Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
