Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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