either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
