He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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