Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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