her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
