i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
