So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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