Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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