first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
