hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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