I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize