for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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