Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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