Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
