There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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