I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
