i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
