lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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