During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will be naked everywhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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