im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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