I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
