You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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