All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
