I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
