his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
