Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize