Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
