i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
