Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
