guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
