She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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