Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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