i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
