Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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