So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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