Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
