If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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