ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
