No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
