Ambien. No doubt about it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
