i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
