Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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