i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
