Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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