I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
