I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
