I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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