Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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