I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
