I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
