i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
