Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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