Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
