I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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