he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize