No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He passed out mid-signature
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
