happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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