it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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