I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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