once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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