Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He shit in the fireplace
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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