So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize