I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
