I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
