how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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