Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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